Two text messages. I swept strands of hair off my face. My bedside lamp glowed, warming my bedroom in a soft shade of yellow. I looked at the clock and it said that it was half pass four in the morning. Rubbed my eyes a little and looked at my mobile phone. It was bright and glaring, so I retrieved the messages with my eyes shut.

• Indie


• David

Clicked on Indie’s text. It read. “He confused, never mind. You don’t confuse ok.”

I took a deep breath and sighed. Rubbed my eyes a little more and probably wriggled my nose a little. I combed through my hair, so my hair was neatly tucked behind my ears. I have a mop of hair that needs monthly taming at a hair saloon. I love my hair long and wavy but at times, it can be a pain.

Like when I clicked on David’s text. Strands of hair were falling over, covering my eyes and it felt frustrating straining my eyes to read the text between strands of hair.

“Reached home? Drink more water and sleep well.”

Another deep breath and a sigh. I placed the mobile phone on the floor, rolled the duvet to the left and slept among my seven pillows. I build a nest each night when I sleep. Two pillows on my head, one on my right, another on the left, one under my knees, one to hold and the seventh as a comfortable spare.


***
It all started with a text message from Eve at 2300 hours last night. “We are in Lola. Come over.”

I was already comfortably dressed in pajamas, swearing that I would take Friday night staying in since I was not feeling well. I slept the whole of yesterday as I felt that I was on the verge of falling ill with flu. All flu like symptoms flew out the window when Eve’s text came.

Took some clothes out of the cupboard - a red bikini top, an ethnic inspired blouse from TopShop and a pair of dark Super Low Cut from Levis. Changed and dolled myself up. Been experimenting with darker eye colors and it worked to my advantage last night. A pop of color on my cheeks and a coat of lip gloss on my lips later, I walked towards my car.

Indie got into my car two traffic lights later. He looked as handsome as ever. I liked the way Indie dressed, always simple and always showing off his best physical qualities. A white sleeves shirt, cargo pants and sneakers was all it took to show his beautiful broad shoulders, toned abs and sexy chest.

We walked into Lola close to midnight. Not five steps into the bar, someone tapped on my shoulders. Indie who walked ahead of me, continued walking on, searching for Eve and our table of friends in an extremely packed Lola. I tried to reach out to Indie, to let him know that I was caught at another table.

It was David. He shook my hands. I leaned forward and gave him a warm hug. He was sitting at his table. He held my hands and asked me to join him and his friends. I smiled and obliged. His friends were a lively bunch and I have drunk with them on more than several occasions. I looked around. It was a table full of boys and two girls leaning against the wall. Both were doe eyed, fair skinned and pretty.

I nodded and smiled at them. One has to be friendly with the girls. It makes my life far easier, I hope.

“You know Jason. He’s just back from Melbourne.” David whispered into my ears.

“I know him. He fetched me home once.”

“Hah? When was that?” David asked Jason.

“You remember Christmas night where the girl cried?” Jason replied.

”Ohhhhhhh.. that one…” David laughed.

“Jason fetched me home that night. Too much drama, too much heat.” I said.

The waiter came over with my drink. Vodka lime. Smooth and chilled, just the way I liked it. I offered to pay for my drink. The waiter shook his head and smiled. I pushed the fifty Ringgit note into his right hand. He gave it back to me.

“You think my staff will listen to you or listen to my instructions?” David asked. “Keep your money away. My treat, Otto. Let’s drink.”


David introduced me to a (let’s tick through my list of what constitute a good looking man) tall, tanned Chindian (Chinese-Indian) with facial hair. Woah, was he a sweetie or what?!

He smiled. I leaned over to David and said, “I know him. We’ve drunk together.”

“You don’t play-play with my brother here. He’s a handsome SIA pilot ok. Playboy.” David teased his high school buddy, John. “These boys are all sharks, trying to get me drunk tonight. Three of them against me, one.”

David introduced me to a few of his other friends on the table. I whispered to him that I knew all of them.

“You’ve introduced me to all your friends. All your friends know me already. Can be your girlfriend lah.” I said with a smile.

“Oh if you are willing to be my girlfriend, I’ll be thrilled.” David said.

I smiled. Everyone was more lively than usual. David was more vocal than usual. Jason and his brother were dancing and John kept toasting David to drink.

Surely he’ll be drunk tonight, I thought to myself.

The DJs spun the crowd’s favorite tunes and everyone was getting hyped up. Everyone was busy talking to everyone else. Girls were giggling while some were gyrating against each other’s hips. Lola was filled to the brim, by tables after tables of young people, having a good time. Flashes of light from cameras, taking photos that everyone will laugh at the following morning.

I leaned over to David and whispered into his ears, “Excuse me for a while. I want to go back to my table, ok? I’ll see you a while later.” David nodded. I wanted to get back to my own table of friends. Eve was there with Arif. So was Indie and some other friends whom I normally meet at midnight for drinks. Glasses were clinking every few minutes.

Before long David came to our table. He said hello to everyone and chatted a little with each of them. Indie smiled at me as he lit his cigarette.

“Your boyfriend’s here.” Indie said.

“Rubbish.” I replied. “Eh, you think he really likes me or he’s just trying to get into my knickers?”

“He likes you.”

“You sure he likes me. Or he’s just trying to get into my knickers?” I asked Indie again, unsatisfied with his previous answer.

“He likes you.” Indie stood firm by his answer. “He might like you the same way he likes all the other girls in the club too.”

That was a far more convincing and realistic answer. This is one of the few questions that Indie does not really have an answer to. He often tells me revealing things about how men think (sex, sex, sex and more sex) often to my remorse and great horror. However being with Indie always felt comfortable and secure. He always told me the truth without sugarcoating anything.

It did not take long before my heart started pumping fast. I was not sure whether it was my heart beating fast or the speakers above my head doing nasties to my body, causing me to think that my heart is beating faster than usual.


***
Dear readers, just to let you know – I have a healthy metabolic rate that helps me space out my drinks well at night. When I am tipsy, I stay really still, relishing the conversations I have with myself in my little head. In my humble opinion, I don’t think it’s sexy if a girl can’t carry her drinks well. Consequently I am very aware of my personal consumption and very wary of being drunk. In my years of non-stop partying, I’ve not had a hangover in my life.

And I was not going to start last night.


***
In the first hour, I had two vodka limes and probably that did the trick last night. The two vodkas probably were two shots each with a slice of lime (versus the traditional one shot of vodka mixed with some lime juice). I decided to excuse myself and retreat home to my bedroom to rest. Should not have come out anyway since I was not feeling well.

I asked for my keys from Indie. He passed me his house keys. I looked at him. He laughed and passed me my car keys. I was tipsy but I surely recognized my damn set of keys.

Said my goodnights at the table. An extra good night handshake to Miro, who bought me my third vodka lime. I gave Eve a warm hug good night. I walked towards the door. Everything was spinning and I knew I had to get out of the place, far away from the heart thumping music.

A hand slipped between mine.

“Where are you going?” He asked.

“I’m feeling tired. I am going home. Good night, David.”

“Are you sure?” He held my left hand tightly and walked out of the bar, next to me. I saw Sandy on the way out and she walked behind me. I smiled and gave her a hug. Sandy was David’s best friend from high school and she was often my only female companion on a table full of boys whenever I drank with David and his friends. David took a step backwards and allowed us a few minutes of conversation.

We exchanged some words, I smiled and tried very hard to carry the conversation to the best that I could. Fucking vodka limes, I thought to myself. I turned around after the goodbye and David held my hand again. When I turned around again, I could see Sandy looking into David's eyes, talking to him in their friendship language, saying something that I did not understand.

“Are you sure you are alright?” He looked at me.

“Yeah. I need to get home. I’m tired.” I replied. I took a deep breath to regulate my breathing. I clasped my right hand near my heart, as if it would help me feel better.

“I’ll send you home.” He said.

“No, it’s alright David. Don’t worry. I am just unwell. You go back to your friends.”

“No, at least let me accompany you to your car.” He said.

Before I could protest, he slid his fingers between mine. He led me towards my car. His grip tightened as we neared the next street where I parked my car an hour earlier, as if it would hold me a second longer.

“Careful.” He said as he pointed to a little hole on the street.

I giggled and rested my head on his right shoulder for a second. I whispered to him, telling him that I was fine. I beeped my car and sat in the driver’s seat. He lowered himself to my level. David stroked my hair a few times and wiped strands from my face. He tilted his head, to look me in the eye. He smiled.

“Are you okay?” He asked for what I felt like a millionth time last night.

“I am fine, David. Don’t worry.” I replied. I laughed a little, relaxing into the swirls of vodka running through my veins.

“You seriously worry me sometimes. I care for you a lot, you know.” He said.

“You care for me because Third Uncle asked you to babysit me, right?” I sighed and laughed a little more. I closed my eyes and smiled.

He leaned over and gave me a peck on my cheek.

“No, it’s nothing to do with Third Uncle. I care very much for you. Me, David... Care for you, Otto.....” David said.

I laughed. Laughter became a natural action to fill up the voids that neither of us knew how to fill with words. Laughter was a positive response in any given circumstances and it made everything feel safe. Laughter had the power to make everything feel normal and comfortable again.

He leaned over again and kissed my forehead. He cupped my face and kissed my right eye, the apple of my cheek, my lower cheek and right next to the corner of my lips.

He rubbed his face against mine. He stopped. I could hear him taking a deep breath. It felt silent despite my car being parked on a busy road. Cars passed us while head lights flashed every few seconds. But it felt real still and I could hear both of us breath.

He let me go. He switched on my head lights, tucked me safely in the safety belt and gave me a last pet on my head.

“Go home and sleep.” David said.


***
I can still feel his kisses on my right cheek. Little tiny gentle pecks trailing my face.

I don't understand him. Maybe I never will. All I know it'll take another two weeks before David will call me again. Maybe it takes him two weeks to go through the list of people on his phonebook? Maybe he misses me after two weeks? I don't know.

I guess I could have asked him last night, if I wanted to know. We were alone when he accompanied me to my car. David is cautious with what he says and does, so it is rare to catch him in an open mood, whereby he would tell me private things. Private things about him. Private things about me.

I guess all I needed to say was, "Yeah, you care for me. Like the way you care for everyone walking into Lola." And at that very second, I would have an answer. I imagine David's answer as, "You know that I care for you differently." If he did say those words, would I have believed him anyway? Probably not.

I guess he knew that too.